Dear Journal
by cedricslove
Summary: Hermione's thoughts on the happenings surrounding the Yule Ball


Dear Journal,

Today they announced that the Yule Ball will be happening here at Hogwarts this year, and luckily I'm just old enough to go! Only fourth years and above will be able to attend, although I do feel badly for Ginny. Hopefully someone will ask her so that she will be able to attend. Ron and Harry have been talking again which is wonderful; I hated having to go between the two of them like some sort of owl. I feel so badly for Harry though… He has been so stressed as of late and I've been trying my best to be there for him.

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

Professor McGonagall said that we are going to be having dance lessons soon, so that we can all waltz for the opening numbers of the Yule Ball. Harry is so worried about it; I can't wait to see him try to dance! It's going to be so interesting. I'm rather worried about it myself, I've never been the most graceful and I don't want to make a fool out of myself in front of everyone. Dancing isn't something that you can read a lot about and then perform it perfectly. It has me very concerned. I'd better go check on Harry though, he was really down today.

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

Today Parvati and Lavender cornered me while I was brushing my hair, and they told me that Harry likes me… I told them that we're just friends and that he would never like me like that but they were so insistent. They said that the way he looks at me means that he likes me. I'm so confused! I don't know who to believe right now, and it's awful. I've never felt awkward around Harry before, but when I went down to breakfast I was rather cold to him, which just set him off again. Now I don't know what to do…

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

Today we had our practice for dancing with Professor McGonagall. She called Ron out in front of everyone; it was rather amusing to watch him blush as he danced with her. When we were all pairing off to practice Lavender told Harry that he should dance with me because I didn't have a partner and he sought me out immediately. Is it because we're friends and he didn't want to see me alone and pathetic? Or does he actually like me? Is it possible that he has feelings for me? And what if he does? I don't even know how I feel right now. I wish they had never told me that he likes me.

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

I like Harry! I can't believe that I never realized it before, but we just have such an amazing connection. We have been such good friends for almost four years now, and there is definitely a deeper bond between the two of us than either of us share with Ron. They call us the "Golden Trio" but I think that it's really just Harry and I. I can't believe I like him! How could I not realize that we had feelings for each other before this? I can't thank Lavender and Parvati enough for telling me that he likes me! I really hope that he asks me to the Yule Ball.

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

So now I don't know how Harry feels. I had myself convinced that he liked me, but today he asked Cho to the Yule Ball. He was rejected, but it doesn't help the fact that he still asked her. Maybe he doesn't like me. What if he's only nice to me because we're friends? Does he only see me as the ugly, brainy friend who has always been there to help him out and get him through his trials? Or is it possible that he just doesn't realize how I feel and wanted to ask another girl?

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

I've been so caught up in Harry lately that I haven't even noticed that Viktor Krum, yes that Krum, the internationally famous quidditch player, has been watching me in the library. Today he approached me and sat with me at my table, asking me to help him with some of his English in exchange to learn about Russian from him. It was all terribly interesting and when I needed to leave, he said he had a nice time and then asked me to accompany him to the Yule Ball. I hesitated, I only really want to go with Harry, but then I thought of Cho. If that's the kind of girl Harry is attracted to then he obviously doesn't want me. So I said yes. I'm going to the Yule Ball with Viktor. Hopefully it will make Harry jealous, but I only see Ron getting angry. We shall see.

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

I went shopping with my mom today to find something to wear to the Yule Ball and I found an amazing periwinkle dress. It's a muggle style dress, but I don't think it will be an issue, at least I hope not. I'm not sure what witches wear when they dress up. While I was shopping, I tried to picture Viktor in his traditional school robes escorting me in but all I can picture is Harry beside me. I can't handle this uncertainty of not knowing exactly what he is feeling towards me. But I don't want to just ask him, because if he actually rejects me, I'm not sure I can handle that.

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

Tonight is the Yule Ball. I still haven't told the boys who my date is, and Ron totally doesn't believe that I have one. He tried to ask me like two days ago as a last ditch effort. At least Harry was more of a gentleman. I'm about to start getting ready, I bought a bunch of stuff that will help my hair to lie flat; I hope that I look pretty tonight. All I want is Harry to think I look good.

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

He doesn't like me…

* * *

Dear Journal,

I tried to write about what happened the morning after the Yule Ball, but I couldn't. It hurts so badly. When I walked into the ballroom with Viktor no one recognized me. Everyone called me beautiful and I could see the admiration in Harry's eyes. It made me feel beautiful, for basically the first time in my life. We had dinner at the high table with all of the champions, and I had fun with Viktor but I could only pay attention to Harry and his date, Padma. I was so jealous of her, even though Parvati had set her sister up with Harry so that he didn't have a real date. The dancing began, and I was glad to have a partner who knew how to dance. It was nice to feel like the other girls were jealous of me, the simple muggleborn, for once, in a way that actually matters. Ron was being a bloody prat, ignoring his date, and glaring at Viktor and me the entire night. I went over to speak to my two friends but Ron was being offensive so I walked away. Harry came after me, and told me not to worry about Ron, and we got butter beer together, before he asked me to dance with him. It was amazing, he held me close and he was even singing to me as we danced across the floor together. I think that I was slightly tipsy, the twins had spiked the punch, and I laid my head on Harry's shoulder. He seemed surprised, but he didn't really mind. I told Harry that I was feeling really warm, and he led me outside to the balcony. We stayed there together for a few minutes, and I just couldn't hold it back anymore. "Harry," I said, "I have to tell you something." He gave me his full attention so I just continued. "I really like you, I know that we've been friends for a really long time, but I have…feelings for you." Harry stared at me for several minutes. "I'm sorry Hermione, but I see you as a friend. I hope that this won't change anything." I said no, and walked away. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes and I started running to the Gryffindor Tower. I collapsed in my favorite armchair in front of the fire, and I just cried. I could feel my makeup running down my face, and I took myself to bed when I heard people beginning to return. That's all I can say for now.

-H-

* * *

Dear Journal,

I should have known that he wouldn't like me. I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, athletic enough, or outgoing enough for him. He deserves someone amazing, and I'm just frumpy Hermione Granger. Who would want me when they could have someone like Cho? I know that I'm not beautiful, I'm far from it. But I thought that maybe my love would be enough for him. But it isn't. It was just wishful thinking to believe that he could like me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin a great friendship but I don't know how to act around him anymore. Why would anyone ever love me? Why would anyone be attracted to me? I was stupid for even allowing the thought to entire my mind. I hate Parvati and Lavender. I will never forgive them for this.

-H-


End file.
